I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
