i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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