Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
