allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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