I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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