remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
