Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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