Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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