Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
