What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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