And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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