just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
