Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Randomize
