just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
