what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
