I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
