Kiss
Puke
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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