So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize