Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
