u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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