Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
