Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
