she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
ttyl tear gas
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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