Small penises have feelings too.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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