Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
