i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize