This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
