Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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