thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize