Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
