He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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