The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
