shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
