How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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