Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
