my room smells like sperm. sweet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
