Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
