yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
