Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
