Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
