it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
