theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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