I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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