My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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