he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i think i just lost a toe
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
