fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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