Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
