There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
