How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
