Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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