i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I love having hate sex.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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