Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize