So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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