maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
