Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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