remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
