I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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