I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
