So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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