i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
