One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
