I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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