ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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