It's like God shit irony all over that family
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
