physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
