also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
