At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
