Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize