dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
