Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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