I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
