A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
