I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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