last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
