i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
