Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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