Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
