You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
May the power of my ass compel you!!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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