i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
