She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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