Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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