the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
