I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize