I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im holly from the hills drunk
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
