I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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