I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She's the barista slut.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize