Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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