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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

  (587): View more from Alberta

  She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  did you know it's going to storm tonight?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.

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• (760): View more from California

  Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.

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• (530): View more from California

  just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other

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• (979): View more from Texas

  I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.

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• (650): View more from California

  Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?

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