He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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