she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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