just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
