Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
