I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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