why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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