You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Success! We fucked roommates!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
