so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
