I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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