Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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